Currently (this week) I am a lesbian on Facebook. This was not a decision I came to lightly. I talked it over with one of my close friends as we’ve flirted with the idea of becoming girlfriends on a social network basis. It would give us a chance to defend something we both believe in strongly, not in a quiet “oh let’s go raise money for this cause” but in a very in your face way that could not be shied away from easily. I also talked about it to some of my close friends who are very out of the closet and very comfortable with whom they are. I didn’t want to offend any of my friends but I also wanted to make a stand.
I was brought up to believe in traditional male and female relationships and that anything else was wrong. I don’t blame my parents for this; it was the way they were raised too. It was the way my church taught. I’ve discovered as I’ve grown up that the church isn’t always right on everything they teach, it’s an opinion and one must search and pray to find their own individual path not dictated by family, church or politics.
The first time I heard the term “gay” it wasn’t used in a very nice manner. I was bombarded by images of stereotypes. Once one of my female friend and I were innocently holding hands one day in the mall as teenagers, and a group of boys not much older than us started yelling at us, calling us “dykes” and other not very nice names, then the good ole’ standard “can we watch?” We walked off disgusted not realizing that two girls holding hands was a bad thing. It wasn’t sexual, it was just friendship. Our society has taken what is innocent and once not looked at twice and perverted it just as it has many other things.
There was a serious conversation that went down between my boyfriend and I before I made the decision to have a “girlfriend” on Facebook and go though this experience. I wanted to make sure he understood why I was making the stand that I was, and that our relationship would be okay. I wasn’t going to change my mind about what I was about to do, it was something I felt I had to do to make a stand for those who face the negativity from our general society on a daily basis.
I braced myself. I knew there would be some statements of confusion and expected to raise some eyebrows. Almost immediately my phone started blowing up with texts and my inbox was filling up with questions. I had no idea there were so many people interested in my sexual orientation. What business is it of theirs to begin with? There were a couple of negative comments, but surprisingly there was more positive than negative on the private side. I took count of my friends list before I went to bed out of curiosity, and eight hours within changing my sexual orientation I had lost five “friends”.
Then the inevitable happened. We were hit with the “can I watch” question from a straight male. This is uttered even to straight women who may linger in a hug in public. It’s a statement that I’ve come to loathe. The rebuttal from males has been “It’s just a joke” and “all guys think that”. It’s just rude. Would you ask a straight couple when you see them kiss in pubic if you can watch? Our society is becoming accepting a lothario type attitude from men when it comes to a woman’s sexuality, straight or gay. We roll our eyes, ignore, or fire back, but more often than not we ignore and change the subject and the issue is not addressed straight on. (No pun intended).
“Men just don’t understand that when you are with a woman, it means no men. So “Watching” is an oxymoron in and of itself.” If I am with a woman, I am not with a man at all. One too many times have I had to deal with guys saying “that’s hot” and “can I watch” so yes, society today, and due to the media being derogatory to woman, things that my sexuality is their business. I don’t’ ask straight people what they do in their bedrooms!” – Elizabeth, Chattanooga
Why does our society make someone else’s sexual orientation our business? Why is it such a big deal as to if someone is straight, gay or bi? We should not be defined only by what we do between the sheets, but multiple parts that make up a whole person.
“My sexuality doesn’t define who I am. I am defined by the type of person who I am. I am defined by what I do, not by what I screw. I don’t define myself as a gay male; I define myself as a successful male. I like cock, so what?” Scott, Chattanooga
There are those that are confused, angry, puzzled, upset by my statement. For anyone who I have offended I apologize but only because it is not my intent to hurt anyone’s feelings, it is my intent to make people take a second look at how difficult of a process it is for someone to come out and define themselves in a society that can be less than accepting of anything different than the so called normal. It’s Pride Week. If you are gay and out be proud. If you are still in the closet then be proud that you can at least accept that you are in the closet. If you are straight than be supportive of others who choose to live differently. It’s not our place to judge.
“What you are doing is cool. There aren’t many straights that would take the risk to do something like this to show their support for our community.” – Charity, Chattanooga
Let me clarify something due to some confusion and “mountains being made out of molehills”. I am straight. I am not bi, I an not gay. This was not a publicity stint, but my way of showing my support for my friends in the community.