The tears have been kept at bay all day long, with a growing lump in my throat I keep on pushing down. I can no longer pretend that it’s okay, that I’m okay with giving her up. I’m not okay with it, and the worst thing about it is that I’m crying over a car. Yes… a car.
I have never had such a deep relationship with a car as I did my Cherry red VW Jetta.
We had a passionate love/hate relationship. I cannot begin to count how many times I had her in the shop, how many times I had to trust a mechanic to fix her while I was stuck in a smelly rental. How much time I spent going over paperwork and fighting with various people to take responsibilty for the pain they had inflicted on my car (not to mention my mental state!) How many times I wiped down her light tan leather interior with care. How often I marveled at the perfect shade of Cherry red her paint sparkled. My perfect escape was to go on a long drive with the sunroof open, singing Lita Ford reveling in how we moved together as one perfect being, she was petite, curvy, moody and red. Perfect for me.
In more recent years we have had to really take a honest look at our lifestyle and what is neccessary, what can be trimmed and eleminated. Last December Bill agreed we could keep my beloved Cherry, as I had invested a good deal into her and it didn’t make sense to “trim” her from the family. This December it was not the same conclusion.
Four kids cost money. Alot of money. I love all of my children (biological and by marriage) dearly and now that they are all a part of my life I cannot imagine life without a single one of them. Alas I can still miss the days of being able to spoil myself on occassion.
My health has cost us a good deal. Even with insurance nowadays co-pays aren’t cheap, neither are prescriptions.
I am a stay at home mom. That comes with a cost. Childcare costs more financially and I won’t even get started on the emontional and mental costs.
“When a door closes, the Lord opens a window.” Seems odd to be quoting such in a farewell post to my beloved Cherry. I know that being a “material girl” isn’t on the right path. But is is so wrong to want to hang on to something that you have worked hard for? To keep your investment of time and money?
Awhile back she had to go into the shop and it became increasingly apparent that we would not be able to afford to fix her anytime soon. This has been a very distressing time for us and we have been very blessed by some amazing friends who have helped us out between a rock and a hard spot. So when we started reviewing the budget it was apparent that she needed to be let go.
I resent the fact I had to give up something I worked so hard for. The one material thing I felt that I had to show for lots of hard work. I gave her up for my family, and that’s a decision I don’t regret. But just because I don’t regret the decision, dosen’t mean it dosen’t hurt. She was just a car, but she represented a great deal to me personally and I’ll miss my Cherry Red.