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It’s almost 2am and the insomnia bug has bit again.  Actually I don’t think it’s insomnia.  I just feel like I’m not getting enough accomplished.  Therefore I’m up late trying to finish up on projects.  I busted my butt today and still don’t have enough to show for it I feel.  Two things today caused my carefully scheduled day to go off wack and I feel like I’m still paying for it now at the end of the day.

Good news though is that the creative juices are working on flowing again.  Which is a very good thing, I feel like I’m coming out of that shell.  The bad thing is that I know that I don’t have enough “financial backing” to make what I’m forming in my mind to stick.  It would take probably at least a year of solid concentration on the outsourcing and freelance projects, in addition to Avon to get to where I want to be, without having to worry about a main source of income.  It’s my own damn fault for not playing the lottery.  So I can’t say “gee… now if only I could get a winning ticket.”  Because I’ve not brought one to begin with.  I will get to where I want to be, where I can not only take excellent care of my family, but also really be able to spoil them.  It’s going to take me alot longer and alot of self direction.  I think it can be done, just I’m not sure if I’m up for it to be quite honest.  I’ve set up a daunting task.

The dream and the desire to be my own boss is still there, unfortunately life comes at you fast.  I’ve got enough pots on the stove I think, it’s just a matter of keeping them all bubbling and stirred.  After Denim and Diamonds is over that will free up some more of my time, but my most recent discovery?  I enjoy event planning.  Well, I can’t exactly claim that as a new discovery, I’ve known that.  It just the re-realization of it that makes me go “oh yeah, organizing.  It’s what I do.”

Speaking of organizing.  Now I like to think I’m pretty organized.  I have my certain drawers that are my own disaster, because we’re all allowed to have a little bit of crazy.  Upon moving over two years ago, I lost alot of space.  That requries one to get very creative when it comes to where to put stuff.  My organized self got very frustrated.  So boxes with papers started piling up, as did drawers with stuff just stashed into them.  Even the pantry got hit with the hidden crazyness.  When finally my beloved G informed me it had gotten out of hand.  I knew it had, I just didn’t want to face it.  So I’ve been organizing, and organizing and organizing.  The kitchen isn’t perfect, but it’s a lot better than what it was.  Now it wasn’t bad everywhere, just really the pantry had gotten out of hand.  The current project is filing and sorting papers.  It’s taking longer than I thought, partly because I save stuff.  Yes… I still even have the first school newspaper that I ever had an article run in back in seventh grade.  I have most of the copies of the dorky newspaper that some of my friends and I self published in high school.  Oh, and the notes.  I still have some notes dating back to fourth grade.  Sad to say, my handwriting has not improved much over the years.  I could have gone to medical school on my handwriting.

In my process of saving stuff I’ve also saved just about every sales and marketing article that I’ve been passed over the years.  Multiple subject and ever many things that I have done presentations on or projects that have been contributed to.  I’ve barely even hit the top of that ice berg.  The goal is to get everything divided up into categories and bind them into the big ole’ 3 ring binders.  Let’s just say the stack is almost a food high… of paper.

See why I feel like I haven’t gotten enough done?

Also my clean freak is starting to freak…. the carpet needs to be cleaned and Meg’s toys need to be reorganized and sorted.  The cat’s bathroom needs some paint touch up and there are all these spots on my walls where I thought I was touching up with flat paint… but turned out it was the semi-gloss…. yeah.  Not pretty, funny looking actually.

Good news though, the modeling is starting to pick up again.  Would be nice if my HAE would realize that and not attack me.  Cause dammit… I’ve got some great stuff lined up but just when I’m attacking I feel like dammit.  I think I hate the fatigue even more than the pain, because I like to get things done, not be too worn out to even do a load of laundry.

Tomorrow is another day with lots of stuff to get done… oh wait… who I am kidding?  Tomorrow is already here!