It’s official. I’ve finally decided that when I grow up I wanna be a rock star. I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to come to this conclusion, but I’ve come to it. It’s been there on the edge of my mind for years… but today realized it. Bizzare.

I’ve been infatuated with girl groups and rockers and just female artists in general as far back as I can remember. I adored Madonna much to my Mothers chagrin, along with Blondie, Strestiand, Carole King and Carly Simon. Now sure, not all of those are “rockers” but still fabulous female artists none the less. My older sister introduced me to Wilson Philps and actually made me realize it was ok to like music that Mom didn’t approve of.

The stage has always held a certain amount of fascination for me, and upon realizing this I did as much acting as I could, and then embarked into music performance. There was always someone better which pissed me off to no end (that’s another blog entry for another day) and I easily got discouraged. My poor Mother was faced with a daughter who had dreams much bigger than what the checkbook and calendar could afford, I remember her asking me once “Why aren’t you happy with just being normal, just being like everyone else?” Alas my musical skills seemed to always fall short somewhere and my voice wasn’t one suited for “popular music”. I was a geek and deemed “uncool” to be in a band, and I have three left feet.

I technically have a pretty decent background in music and could do it… even if I never “excelled” at one particular thing. I have professionally trained vocally for over ten years. I’ve sung in numerous groups, done professional recording and even some miscellaneous studio work. I studied piano for longer than I’m going to admit considering I really suck at it and it was considered my “weak spot” in my music repertoire. I’ve played every percussion instrument there is but suck when it comes to things cool like a traditional drum set. Oh, and the Oboe and Harmonica. Yeah, those are some really cool rock instruments there. Super geek. I always wanted to be able to play the piano like Sarah McLaughlin or Carole King, and sing at the same time. Or jam on the guitar like Lisa Loeb and Nancy Wilson. (One of these days I will learn how to play guitar!)

So I could do it…. really. I have plenty of angst and style. I’m a redhead with Ginger-Spice-like highlights and a pretty damn cool shoe collection. I look hot in jeans and my rack isn’t too bad. I’ve modeled, have cool friends, can read music, and write lyrics. I have a hot boyfriend, crazy cats, a tattoo and can sport a real attitude. See. I’m cool.

I told Lila today that I finally figured all this out. That I quote “wanna be like Lita Ford”, she laughed, in a good way. She said something along the lines of “that’s too gritty (for me)”. And she’s right, but still. I wanna be a rock star.

Truthfully I always dreamed of being an artist who maybe wasn’t hugely successful but put out a few good albums and eventually would be put into a Weird Al song. I love nothing more than an open road, a sunny day and some good music: Madonna, Garbage, Lisa Loeb, Sarah McLachlan, Blondie, Pat Benatar, Indigo Girls, etc….

I like to think that if I had actually stuck to my guns and really aimed to become a “rock star” I could have done it. But like most everything else in my life I was afraid of failing and other people being much better than me, so I didn’t even really try.

In the meantime I’ll just blow out my car audio system belting No Doubt at the top of my lungs, drumming on the steering wheel, going 70mph down the interstate, serenading the truckers thur my sunroof. Yeah. I’m baaad.

” I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars….” – Nickelback