Today in my running around I saw a mother pushing a stroller, just in the middle of the day. She had an older toddler alongside. Obviviously a stay at home mom. Part of me for a bit was envivious. For so long that’s what I thought I wanted, and I’d be lying if I said a part of me still didn’t. (This train of thought is also brought more to the forefront because I have been trying to determine as of late, if I might want to have more kids one day, or if I’m happy with just my MiniMe. Truthfuly I’m very happy with just my MiniMe, and I’m o.k. with that… well 98% of me says that. The other 2% is trying to figure out how exactly I feel about that, attempting to get that other 2% on board with the 98%. But that’s another blog post, another day.)

I hate the fact that I have my daughter in daycare, the very thing I said I would never do for years. My mother gave up a career for me… why couldn’t I have done the same for MiniMe? Then I remind myself that I did (in a way) I left work soon after we found out I was pregnant, and didn’t go back full time till she was a year old. So I comfort myself in that little fact.

Part of what bothers me is why I’m still conflicted over this so badly. I know I would not be happy being home full time, I’m a much better Mom being a working Mom. Soon my baby girl will be two years old… hopefully I can come to a new and better grip on this soon.

I wonder how much of the different angles of society have influenced the SAHM (stay at home mom) movement v.s. the feeling guilty working mom v.s. the totally happy working mom? It’s hard for SAHM’s to be friends with WM’s, because SAHM’s can’t understand why the WM gives up her child (per se) for a career. And the WM’s cannot comprehend the lack of drive and adult stimulation that the SAHM’s seem to lack. It’s unimagineable for a WM to take a nap at 11am, and it’s unimaginable for a SAHM to have a conversation that dosen’t include the words “spit-up, diaper rash and sippy cup”.

I need to go to bed.. it’s late and I just opened up a can of worms.

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