When you are young and naieve, you look upon the working stiffs of the world as drones, unfeeling, hateful people in business suits chasing after the all mighty green demon.

Until one day you are faced with a choice. Giving up the career and job that you love, that you are passionate about, in chase after the all mighty dollar. In chase after the American Dream.

I was bit by the radio bug at a very young age. I recorded air shifts of some of my current co-workers, and would listen back to them and work on my back sells. My mothers best bet of keeping me occupied for hours was to give me a blank tape. I also came into the computer age at a very good time. Right when technology was starting to take off. I found that even though I wasn’t the best “techie” I had a gift when it came to just connecting with a computer.

These are just two small examples as to why my job is a custom fit for me. I’ve always held the philosophy that a career should get you hot and bothered like a lover. Often one will go thur life with a few different lovers, until you find the love of your life and then you just know. Fireworks go off. Come hell or high water nothing will take you away from that person.

That’s the way I feel about my job. Yes I have interviewed in other markets, with other companies, with other industries, because I believe that you should give everything a chance.

Now I am faced with a choice beyond just a job, beyond just my career. A choice that I am realizing more and more, hour after hour, that I have to make because of my daughter. Because I want the absolute best for her and because frankly, working web and promotions in radio will never do that. Sales will. Don’t get me wrong, I love sales, but it’s not the whole bag.

I feel like once again I have not been allowed to make a choice, my own life has been taken out of my hands and a decision forced upon me. You can argue all day long that I have a choice. I have a daughter, I no longer have a choice. I have a daughter and I’m a single mother. Something I never thought that I would be. Yes, I am scared to death. My mother raised me as a single mother and I refuse to go back to that lifestyle. I refuse to have my daughter exposed to any of that. I’m not afraid of the job, as I am a good Mom and I will do anything for my little girl. I’m afraid of losing even more of my soul, and then one day my daughter looking at the shell of a woman that is her Mother, and hating herself for the choices and decisions that I had to make because of her.

I know I should be looking at this from the angle of money. And eventuallly I’ll get my brain wrapped around that concept. Yet if you look at our society today, it’s eveident that too many people have wrapped their mind around “the money” and we are left with a bunch of rich, soulless people, but hey… at least they can afford college for their kids and the newest greatest tangiable items that they think will fill up their souls.

It’s late. I should be sleeping… I have to be on camera at the crack of dawn. Another aspect of my job that I enjoy. I get to occasionally mess around in front of the camera, just another angle of broadcasting that I enjoy.

I know whatever decision I make I will kick arse. There’s no doubt about that, as anything I set my mind to I conquer.

My mind is in whirls, and it’s late. All the cards are not on the table yet, and I need sleep. I need …….