I was driving home tonight from work with my brain full of fuzz, and not being able to focus much. My relief when I used to get brain fuzz was to sit at the piano and play and sing untill I somehow moved beyond my own head.

I remembered one day in particular a few years back when I couldn’t quite get past the fuzz. I ended up at the music building on the university campus, I spent more time there in school than anywhere else. It was late and there were very few people in the building, I felt like a ghoast roaming the halls. I found my way to the auditorium where the keys under my fingers on the baby grand, and the fresh smell of floor polish made me feel at home. I banged out and belted every last thing I remembered, then I did it all again.

Then a voice came down from the upper loft, “You were never a strong pianist, but you still have power in your voice.”

The voice was that of one of my former teachers. I just smiled. I had no words. Secretly I was thrilled with the odd compliment, yet I felt violated by the intrustion. It wasn’t a public performance. Sure I started off with all the pretty bits, but when I started into some of the things I had done, I felt naked. Turns out she’d been listening for awhile.

“You didn’t have to quit completely, you had potiential.”

I had no answer at the time. I knew I’d left to go into radio, but I was still struggling with my decision. As much as I loved what I did, I still was dealing with not following thur on what I had worked towards for years. Demos, scholarship offers, all flushed. Never to be back.

Tonight I was driving home and I remembered all this and more. I wondered how different my life would be if I hadn’t gone into radio. If I had stayed at the univerisity, or given the demo a good shot. My life would have been drastically different. At times it’s not always clear as to why we make certain decisions in life. That’s o.k., because when things start to fall into place it will make sense.

Eventually. Things will start to make sense.

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