The following post is one of a more X Rated material. If you are easliy offended please come back another day.

I will not apologize for my writings, nor will I make myself fit into whatever mold a reader might think I need to fit into. Those who are in my life are warned that anything is game when it comes to my writings. I do not aim to hurt anyone, I am to express myself and use this blog as a creative outlet. If you have a problem with it… then there’s the door. Don’t let it hit you on your way out.



1. Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal.
2. The presentation or production of this material.


I am not one of those uptight women who have a problem with pornography. Who dosen’t like to look at a beautiful woman? I don’t have an issue with watching porn, nor do I mind strip clubs. Hell, I took the SU to one on our honeymoon in New Orleans. (The “women” on the street were better looking then the ones in the club!) I don’t mind dressing up and creativity even.

What I do have a problem with is being lied to. What I do have a problem with, is that the being lied to about what it is, still bothers me. It’s not what it is, it’s what’s stems from / is around it.

I know I’m not one of the most attractive women. I know that I’m demanding, determined and hardheaded. (In other words I can often come across as “bitchy”.) Yet I work out, do the whole hair/nails/tan upkeep thing, I dress sexy, etc….. I keep up appearances. In my mind I am far from a motherhood/matromonial disaster.

Though finegirlz.com obviviously has women younger than myself, and better looking.
I bet their modeling contracts haven’t expired. I also didn’t see a listing on the site for a “under 30 redhead geek”. Nope. I never thought I’d say it. There were younger than me. sheeeit……..

So I ask myself, “Why do I still care?”
My answer – I tried. I tried and tried. There are some things in life that one no matter how hard you might work at somthing, cannot overcome. Then you realize the problem isn’t neccessarly the other person, it isn’t neccessarly you either. It isn’t neccessarly anything that can be worked at to overcome. Physiological reasoning cannot be applied to everything in life.

I tried. And dammit. I’m tired.